This Article Was Published In LIVING NOW Magazine February 2010.
When I first returned to the singles scene I decided the only way I was going to meet anyone was via the internet.
I was not one to hang out in pubs, the ethical nature of my work meant I couldn’t date clients, and it seemed I’d lost most of my social network to my ‘ex’ as part of my divorce settlement. So the only hope I had of meeting a man was late at night when my children were safely tucked into their beds, as I sat at my computer screen, feet snug in my fluffy slippers, sipping on a cup of herbal tea, the heater humming beside me to keep me company.
To start with I felt completely out of my comfort zone. People’s warnings rang loudly in my head that only desperate women and sociopathic men would be interested in internet dating. But I had no other options if I wanted to find a partner. So I created a profile for myself on a popular internet dating site, carefully massaging every word to make them (i.e., me) sound more appealing, searching through recent photos in the hope of finding a picture of myself that was visually attractive. I found myself trying to create a profile that men would like and be drawn to, so that I would be successful in attracting a man into my life and not be on my own.
But all that led to was a lot of meaningless dates with men I had nothing in common with, and me feeling more alone within my core than ever before. And I realised that I was still doing exactly what I’d been doing for the previous 16 years in my marriage. I’d created a profile that had moulded myself into being what I thought others wanted me to be, and I’d lost myself in the process. Not only was I not showing my true self to those who were viewing my profile online, but more importantly I wasn’t taking the opportunity to really appreciate myself for who I truly was. I was denying myself from myself, just as much as I was from the external world.
So I decided to take a really long hard look at my profile. Rather than writing my profile based on what I thought other people wanted to read in the hope of scoring more ‘kisses’ and emails from potential partners, I started focusing on making it a really true reflection of who I actually was, from the inside out.
I took time to be really honest with myself and reflect on who I was, what I liked and didn’t like, what was important to me, what I stood for, what I valued, and what I wanted from life. Every time I had an insight about myself I’d update my profile, making it a work-in-progress, as I slowly started to sprinkle it with words like ‘spiritual’, ‘alternative’, and yes, even the scariest words of all, ‘energy healer’ and ‘deeply committed relationship’! The more I explored myself and what it was I truly wanted for myself, the more real my profile became, and the more authentic a picture I gave to the world of who I was on the inside and what it was I was truly wanting to attract into my life.
And then a funny thing happened. I started to like what I was writing. I started to like the person I was writing about and who she was. The more I wrote, the more I got to know myself, to the point that I stopped writing my profile for others and started writing it for the purposes of exploring self. And the more I did this, the more I began to like the person I was exploring.
I liked my outlook on life. I liked the vulnerable intimate nature with which I was sharing who I was. I liked that I spoke my truth with power and commitment. I liked that I was different and unique and prepared to show my true self and my heartfelt desires to the world. I liked the person I saw looking back at me from my computer screen and what she stood for. And I began to see the beauty in my own eyes and connect with the divine love within my own heart.
The more I updated my profile, the more I discovered about myself. Those spiritual aspects of self I’d been hiding and protecting for the past ten years. I didn’t care who did or didn’t read it, or what they thought about what they read. After all, I only really needed one ‘special’ man to read it who was the right man for me. And after a while even that didn’t matter any more. I wasn’t writing my profile for men. I was writing my profile as a statement of empowerment for myself, as a declaration to the universe of ‘This is who I am. This is what I want in life. I will not settle for anything less. Bring it on!’
Updating my profile and seeing myself as a work-in-progress became a deeply healing process that took me into the core of who I was and reconnected me with the feelings of self love and acceptance that resided there. The more I wrote, the more I healed, and the more whole and complete I became within myself, to the point that I began to feel so good within myself that I no longer felt alone and no longer needed to find a partner to be in my life. I was happy within myself, regardless of whether or not I met someone. I was detached from any outcome and simply in love with myself and who I was.
And that, of course, was when love chose to reach out through the internet ethers and find me – big time. When I found me and loved me for who I was, I reconnected fully with the truly unconditional love for self that was within me, and so the universe brought a man into my life who mirrored this by loving me 100% unconditionally also. I’d finally stopped looking for love outside of self, and found love for me, from within me, and then the universe took care of the rest. When we learn to fully love ourselves inside and out, anything becomes possible!
Until next time…
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'Written by healer and author Juliet Martine, www.julietmartine.com'