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  • Writer's pictureJuliet Martine


Negative Self Talk & Self Sabotage

We all sabotage ourselves from time to time. There’s no denying it. We do it whenever we think thoughts, feel emotions, or do physical things that limit or hinder us in ways that take us in the opposite direction to where we’d like to be heading in life.

Whether its telling ourselves that we’re not smart enough, attractive enough, or experienced enough when we’re applying for a new job or trying to get a new client, or whether its allowing ourselves to get angry and pick a fight with our partner when they’re really wanting to get closer to us, or whether its eating that packet of chocolate biscuits when we know we’re tyring to lose weight but its just too tempting... we all undermine and sabotage ourselves in a variety of different ways that block and prevent us from moving forwards in the direction we want to be heading in life.

So how can we turn our sabotage around so that we stop hindering and start helping ourselves more?

We need to start thinking of our sabotage as being like a best friend. A best friend we really care about and love. A best friend that’s hurting and trying to get our attention because it’s needing our help. Because deep down, that’s exactly what’s going on.

Whatever is causing our patterns of self sabotage to arise in the first place, there’s a part of ourselves that we’ve rejected in some way and is wanting us to heal. When we stop fighting and befriend our patterns of sabotage, we stop resisting and pushing away that part of ourselves that is hurting deep inside and causing us to harm ourselves in some way. When we do this, we can then move into a place of more loving wholeness within ourselves and reintegrating with the fullness of who we really are, from the depths of our being.

So the next time you find yourself thinking thoughts, or feeling emotions or taking actions that are sabotaging or limiting you in some way, think of them as being like a really good friend you care about and love. A best friend that is hurting, that you care about, and that occasionally goes off the rails and needs your help.

Make the choice to get to know that friend better so you can help them, and be able to remind them that they are loved and valued, and they are important to you.

Sit with your best friend and ask them why they are hurting. Ask them to tell you their story and where their hurt is stemming from. Ask them what they believe about you and about life, and who, what or where these beliefs come from.

Then love your dear friend for sharing their hurts with you and for being vulnerable and honest. With love in your heart, check in with them to see if their beliefs are actually true, or if they are simply stories that they have made or taken on from someone else.

As we challenge the source of our limiting beliefs, we usually find that they are not actually true, they are just stories that we have given power to by choosing to believe them. Rarely are they 100% true God-given-absolute-facts though.

Then ask your best friend the following questions:

1. What new stories would they like to write if they were loving themselves more?

2. What do they need in order to heal their wounds and to feel a greater sense of peace and harmony within?

3. What new feelings would they like to be feeling as part of the new stories they want to write? and

4. What new actions do they need to take in order to move forward in the direction they want to head?

Whatever wisdom offered by your best friend, reassure it that you will now support it by reminding yourself of these new thoughts, feelings and actions as often as possible.

Then take a moment or two to brainstorm some fun and creative ways to do so.

Write some positive new affirmations and stick them on your bathroom mirror, saying them to yourself as you look into your own eyes every morning with love, reinforcing your new beliefs about yourself.

Remember a time in your life when you felt the positive feelings your best friend has identified, and commit to remembering those occasions three times a day and really enjoying being there fully in your imagination to reconnect with these positive feelings.

Decide what actions you are going to take and then have fun doing them, such as going for a walk with a friend, taking yourself for a massage, or having a heartfelt conversation with a loved one to heal and move forward.

Whatever ideas come to you, do them with a sense of love in your heart in the knowing that you are changing your patterns, transforming your own sabotage into support, and helping yourself and your new best friend to move forward in healing and reconnection with the beauty that’s inside of you. For you are truly beautiful, inside and out. It’s just that sometimes we all need a best friend to help remind us of that.

Until next time…

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'Written by healer and author Juliet Martine,'

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