The Power of Forgiveness: Should We Let Go or Hold On?

Dear Soul,

Ok, let’s face it. We’ve all experienced hurt in our lives. Little hurts. Medium sized hurts. And major MACK-TRUCK SIZED HURTS!!!

The question is – what do we do with our hurts?

Do we keep holding on to what ‘He said. . . ‘ or what ‘She did . . . ‘, carrying it around in our invisible backpack, wondering what the smell is that keeps wafting in and out of our lives as we hold onto festering anger and hate?

Or do we take the backpack off. Put it down. Open it up and take a good look at our old hurts and wounds to decide whether or not they're still serving, or whether perhaps it might now be time for us to forgive so we can heal and move on with our life with greater happiness, wellbeing and joy?

Refusing to forgive another is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die, as the old saying goes. The one holding onto the hurt is the one who suffers.

We all know we need to fully forgive in order for us to move on. However, what if the person we need to forgive the most is ourself? How do we actually do that when we’re both the perpetrator and the victim? The accuser and the accused? The blamee and the blamed?

 

How big a person are you?

It takes a big person to forgive another. And sometimes it takes an even bigger person to forgive them self.

Whether we’re a perfectionist, a saddist, or just outright stubborn in our nature, when we refuse to forgive ourselves it’s kind of like a double whammy in the forgiveness world.

It’s not just a win-lose, it’s a lose-lose. Because the person we’re angry with can’t apologize and make amends given that the person that’s angry with them refuses to forgive. So we keep ourselves trapped in the pain of our own anger and self-imposed hurt.

The question is, why don't we want to forgive ourselves?

I mean, we're all human. We all mess up from time to time. We make a decision we wish we hadn’t. We take our eye off the ball and miss an opportunity. We open our mouth and say the wrong thing. We avoid conflict and then wish we’d set clearer boundaries. We stuff up and make major mistakes we later come to deeply regret.

But why is it so difficult to forgive ourselves?

There’s can be many reasons we refuse to forgive other people, however often we're holding out as a means of punishing them in the hope they’ll feel our pain and acknowledge how much they've hurt us, so we can then feel safer knowing they’ve learned their lesson so they won’t do it again. Once we're reassured that they've taken ownership and responsibility for having understood the harm they've caused, then we can forgive them and move forward more easily.

However, why don't we apply the same process to ourselves? If we make a mistake, we then:

1.  Acknowledge what's happened  

2. Clarify what we’ve learned from the experience  

3. Forgive ourselves in the knowing we're all human, we all learn from our mistakes, and it's ok to give ourselves a big hug of forgiveness to get on with making the most of our future reality 

It’s a pretty simple formula. . . Acknowledge, clarify and forgive so we can celebrate the growth, do things differently in the future and level up to live our lives more fully!

SELF FORGIVENESS = SELF LOVE

Forgiving ourselves is the ultimate act of self love.  

To be able to love yourself enough to be able to say to yourself:

'You know what. . . I don’t have to be perfect. . .

we’re all human... we all learn through our experiences. . .

and I love myself no matter what because deep down inside

I know I’m an incredibly magnificent Divine Being and

life’s too much of a precious gift to keep wasting my future self on

worrying about what's happened in the past. So I now choose to forgive myself and

get on with being the beautiful me that I truly AM!!! '

That’s self love in action. Forgiving yourself in such a way that you release yourself from the poisonous energy of your own anger, hurt, judgement, and blame and instead give yourself permission to learn from your experiences to propel you forward.

That’s the gift of forgiveness, motivated by the power of self love. To stop beating yourself up and start living the gift that is your life more fully. And you hold the power to do so, if you so choose.

It’s your life. To forgive or not to forgive? That is the question we need to ask ourselves in the understanding: there is no right or wrong. There is simply the choice. And preferably a heartfelt one.

With fierce love, radiant joy, heartfelt compassion, infinite curiosity, and unwavering truth,

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